Where Does My Heart Beat Now
by aumontalc
Summary: Jackson and April dealing with the aftermath of their son's death.
1. The Funeral

**A/N: Here's my new story. I'm planning for this to be a six chapter story. If you have a chance, please review and let me know what you think.**

April hiccoughed as she brushed the moisture off her cheeks. He'd been gone for a week and yet the wound was still so fresh and painful. She woke up every morning and every morning she remembered anew what had happened to her precious Buddha Boy, her little Samuel. April pressed the back of her hand against her mouth. She didn't want Jackson to hear her crying as they got ready for the funeral service. He'd heard enough of her crying to last a lifetime. He never said anything, never would. Never hinted that it bothered him, but April knew. It was time to start moving on. She sent a prayer up to Heaven asking for strength to do so.

* * *

Jackson finished tying the knot in his tie. He stood silently outside the bathroom door, patiently waiting for April. He could hear her muffled sobs. He should be immune to those by now. She'd been crying almost nonstop ever since they'd found out the baby had OI. Yet, each time he heard the pitiful sound, his heart ached and it became difficult to breathe. It was so unfair and unjust that his wife, one of the sweetest and kindest women he'd ever met, had to suffer through this horrible tragedy. He shouldn't be surprised though. There was no rhyme or reason to why things happened the way they did. Life tended to suck most of the time. Yet, it angered him that he'd never get to raise his son. And it seemed like such a kick in the ass to finally find the one person that he loved and wanted most in the world only to have their happiness brutally smashed to pieces. His biggest fear seven months ago was that he'd lose April to Matthew. Now, his biggest fear was that he'd lose April to her sorrow and anger.

* * *

Catherine Avery stared at her son and his wife as the pallbearers threw dirt on the tiny casket. She'd organized the funeral herself, trying to be as much help as possible. She'd give anything to take away the pain her baby boy and his wife were feeling. A few nights ago when April had finally caved in and taken a sleeping pill, Catherine witnessed a sight she hadn't seen since her boy was nine. Jackson had broke down and cried. He'd been so strong through all of this. She knew it was only a matter of time before he succumbed to the strength of his emotions. He'd hugged her and shared with her his worries and fears, his disappointments and aggravations. Catherine swallowed the lump in her throat. It was the closest that they'd been in years. As terrible as this whole situation was, she was delighted by the prospect of getting closer to her son.

* * *

Jackson glanced at his mother. He flashed a small smile of gratitude her way. Throughout this whole ordeal, she'd really been a rock for both him and April. She'd reached April when no one else could. As much as his mom could get on his nerves, he realized how good of a mom she could be. And he was thankful for that. He also noted that he needed to stop avoiding her so much. She deserved a son who treated her better.

* * *

Karen Kepner's cheeks hadn't been dry in over 2 hours. Like her daughter, she tended to cry a lot. Her heart hurt for her little duckling that had transformed into a beautiful swan. She'd tried to be of help but had ended flubbing things up. She was a little jealous of how supportive and helpful April's mother-in-law had been through all this. Catherine Avery had been able to help her daughter in a way she'd never been able to. Well, at least she could cook. She had 3 casseroles ready to take out of the oven for the reception afterwards. Getting a Kleenex out of her purse, Karen Kepner wiped her cheeks.

* * *

April's eyes wandered over to her mother. During the service at the church and now at the burial site, her mother's face had been streaming with tears. If she felt she had it in her, she would laugh. As much as she'd like to distance herself and think she was so different from her mother, she couldn't. They were exactly the same. When someone was so similar to you, they couldn't help you see other perspectives. And that's what April had needed when she was deciding what to do about her pregnancy, another perspective. She was thankful to Catherine for providing just that.

* * *

Arizona Robbins stood on the other side of her best friend, April Kepner, absentmindedly rubbing her back. She'd been through this. Well, not quite this. She'd had a miscarriage which wasn't the same as giving birth to a baby and watching it die in her arms. Yet, it brought back memories all the same. Along with their cheery dispositions and optimistic outlook on life, this was another way she and April were bonded.

* * *

April stood dumfounded as she watched the last shovelful of dirt go into the grave. It was over. He was buried. She felt Arizona's hand on her back, trying to soothe her. Her friend had lost a child too but it wasn't the same. No one would ever feel how she felt. None of the people standing here would ever have to feel what she was feeling right now. The closest person who could come close to knowing how she felt was Jackson. And even that wasn't the same. He was a man. He could never know what it felt like to feel a child grow and develop inside of you and then the next day be told that all her confidence and trust in God was for naught. That the child she sheltered was not alright. That he was never going to live a normal life. That he was feeling pain and the only way you could end his suffering was by giving birth and see him pass quietly into the night. So as much as Arizona tried to empathize. She would never get it.

* * *

Amelia Shepherd stood at the back of the crowd, blinking back tears. She more than anyone could empathize with how April was feeling. There was no worse feeling than expecting a healthy baby and finding out that yours wouldn't be. She remembered the few moments that she'd had with her and Ryan's son. She was glad that Jackson and April had gotten the same. It was never enough, but it was something.

* * *

Owen Hunt stood silently next to Amelia. He could tell she was trying not to get emotional. Hell, he was even having a hard time not getting choked up. There wasn't much he could do for Avery and Kepner, but he came to show his support.

* * *

Jackson caught sight of Amelia and Hunt at the back of the crowd as he ushered April into the car. He nodded in their direction to show his appreciation for their coming. In all honesty, he was pleasantly surprised by this turnout. He hadn't known he worked with so many people who cared about him and April.

* * *

Stephanie Edwards was starting to regret coming to the reception. The funeral was one thing but Jackson and April's home? Probably wasn't the best idea, but she wanted to give her condolences. Even though she knew it wasn't her fault, she still felt so much guilt for all the evil she'd wish would befall them. There was a reason people said be careful what you wish for.

* * *

April saw Stephanie standing uncomfortably in her house with a plate of uneaten food. Her presence was the one that didn't quite make sense. Why would she, of all people, be here? She knew that she and Jackson had humiliated and hurt the other doctor, but she still couldn't help feeling a little bit of jealousy whenever Edwards was around. Jackson had, for a while, chosen this woman over her. He'd eventually come back to her, but Edwards hadn't been just a rebound. And the fact that she'd discovered the news about her baby…she had no words. It was probably best if she didn't talk to her right now.

* * *

Callie Torres squeezed April's hand one last time before walking away. If anyone knew about heartache and surviving after tragedy, it was her. Even with her vast experience with death, she was still at a loss for words. After all, what do you say to two people who have lost their baby? She'd murmured her condolences, squeezed the grieving mother's hand and walked away. It was all you could do.

* * *

Alex Karev shoveled another forkful of tater tot casserole into his mouth. He didn't know what to do at these things so he did the one thing he knew how to do…eat. He knew nothing he could say would help April or Avery, but he couldn't just not show up. They'd been roommates, almost like family. He was stuck being their friend whether he liked it or not.

* * *

"Mom, thanks for everything. Cooking and cleaning up afterwards. It means a lot," April said as she hugged her mother goodnight.

"No problem, baby doll. Anything I can do for you or for Jackson just let me know," Karen said.

Jackson closed the door behind his mother-in-law. "Babe, are you alright?"

April nodded, plopping herself on the couch. "I am so exhausted, Jackson. Are you exhausted? All I did was stand around and cry all day yet I feel like I've been on call for 48 hours."

Jackson joined her on the couch, taking her small hand within his own. "Nah, I'm alright. Are you sure you're OK? You seem different…"

April laughed. "I'm not crying for once. That's what it is. I think I'm too tired to cry." Squeezing his hand within her own, she whispered, "Why haven't you cried?"

Jackson blinked and stared at his wife. "You needed me," he shrugged. "I had to be strong for you. I can't really do that if I'm crying my eyes out."

April glanced up at him. Her hand touched his face, her thumb gently stroked his cheek. "You don't always have to be strong. I can be strong too if you need me to be. I…I've kind of made this all about me and my pain. I haven't really checked in with you. How are you feeling?"

Closing his eyes and leaning his head against the couch, Jackson sighed. "I feel like my heart's been run over by a semi. I wanted this baby. I wanted him for you. It kills me to see you like this." Leaning forward to rest his arms on his knees, he continued, "I was so worried that I'd lose you, April."

"Lose me?" April asked. "What are you talking about?"

"You were so fragile after the test results. I thought you'd come to a no turning back point. You were angry at God and that terrified me. If you lost your faith, you wouldn't be the woman I married. I was afraid you'd never be the same."

April didn't immediately respond. He was right though. She'd done a lot of questioning lately. She'd questioned why this had happened to her, why she had been good all of these years for something like this to happen? Was God even real? Was her husband right to not have faith in Him?

She'd not only questioned but she'd been angry, filled with rage over her circumstances. There had been times when she'd physically wanted to punch something or scream at the top of her lungs, but she couldn't. She didn't want her husband to think she had gone crazy.

Truth was she didn't know quite where she stood. She was grieving. She was hurt. And she hadn't seen an end in sight, until today.

Funny. She'd always thought she wasn't that well liked at work, but today showed that no matter how annoying her coworkers thought she was they at least cared. They showed up. Seeing the sea of faces at her son's funeral had comforted her. Let her know she wasn't alone. And for now, she felt better. She couldn't speak for tomorrow or two weeks from now, but right at this moment, sitting with Jackson, she had hope.

Finally, she answered her husband. "I don't know if I'm ever going to be the same, Jackson. I'm different. It was like after the shooting, after finding my best friend dead, I changed. When something like that happens to you, you're kind of forced to adapt, to become stronger. But losing my child? I don't know what to do. I don't know how to adapt to make this pain go away. I wish there was some manual that would tell me what I'm supposed to do so that I can feel like a person again."

"I'm sorry, babe. I don't have any answers either."

"But something good happened today."

Jackson leaned against her and rubbed his nose against hers. "What?" he murmured.

"I felt hope. For the first time, I felt like I could survive this."

Jackson kissed her forehead. "That's good. I'm glad you feel that."

"Do you have hope?" April asked, looking into his eyes. "Do you think we'll survive this?"

Jackson swallowed. "I don't know. That's what I'm afraid of. That it won't just be our baby that dies, but us as well."

Although taken aback, April nodded in understanding. "But that's not gonna happen Jackson because I'm gonna fight for us."

"I will too. I will too."


	2. The Dinner

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews! If you have time, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapter.**

April hummed as she chopped a shallot. To say she was looking forward to tonight would be an understatement. Tonight was kind of a big deal. It was the first night in a long time that both she and Jackson had the night off where the thought of her baby didn't overshadow her whole mood. She was moving on. It had been a slow and painful journey but she felt good enough to make dinner for the both of them which hadn't happened in ages. In fact, she'd had to throw away a ton of take out from the fridge just to make room for the groceries she'd bought.

April continued to hum as she set the table and lit the candles. It would be so wonderful to finally have a nice, relaxing evening with her husband. They were still newlyweds after all, fast approaching their 9 month anniversary.

Her grin widened as she heard the sound of keys jingling at the door. Jackson was home! She set down the cork screw and rushed over to greet him. As the door opened, she giggled and propelled herself into her husband's arms.

"Hey," Jackson oomphed. "A personal welcome at the door? I must be doing something right."

April stood on tip toe to brush a quick kiss against his mouth. Jackson immediately pulled her closer and deepened the kiss.

He kissed her like a starving man. What could he say? It had been almost 3 months since they'd had sex. After they'd found out about the baby, he hadn't done more than give her a quick peck now and then. He was dying for some real intimacy. Considering her good mood, he might be able to get lucky tonight if he played his cards right.

"Dinner will be ready in about ten minutes. Why don't you go wash up?" April suggested.

"Will do," Jackson replied, making his way to the bathroom. Once there, he washed his face but then decided to take a quick shower. If he was going to get lucky tonight, he needed to be as fresh as possible. He started humming just at the possibility of getting it on with his wife.

* * *

Jackson poured a glass of wine for his wife and for himself. "This is nice," he murmured.

"It is," April agreed, flashing a grin his way. "So how was your day?"

Shrugging, Jackson swallowed his bite of food. "So-so. A lot of board stuff today. Herman's contract was up so we decided whether or not we wanted to keep her on at the hospital. It's great and all that her surgery on her tumor was successful, but she's kind of a liability right now. She's wanting to come back to work within 6 weeks. I think that might be too soon."

"So what did everyone decide?"

"We voted for her to stay with the provision that she doesn't do any solo surgeries for the next 6 months."

"I'm glad she's staying. She's a good doctor."

Jackson shrugged again. He didn't think she was that great. Sure, she was good at saving lives, but her handling of his and April's son still rubbed him the wrong way. Showing them the birth certificate and the death certificate at the same time. Gah, the woman just didn't have any bedside manner.

"How was life in the ER?" he asked, changing the subject.

"Nothing too exciting today. Just a bunch of people admitted for the flu. I did get a little boy who had an abscess that his pediatrician thought was a spider bite. We put him in an OR to drain it and turns out there was a splinter almost 2 inches long in there. Pretty crazy. You think his doctor would have known the difference between a spider bite and an infected site." April said, shaking her head.

Jackson nodded in agreement. There were a lot of quacks in the medical profession.

"So…I noticed that we both have Saturday off. Want to do something fun?" asked April.

Still chewing his food, Jackson smiled. "What'd you have in mind?"

"Alex and Wilson are having a dinner party. I thought it would be fun to dress up and spend time with other adults."

"But is Karev an adult? Really?"

April rolled her eyes. "You don't have to tell me how immature Alex is, but I still thought it would be great to get out of the house. Arizona will be there. So will Richard and Pierce and Bailey and Ben. Stephanie too, no doubt, but I think Wilson is smart enough not to seat us next to her."

"Sounds good to me, babe. We're finally getting back to normal."

Nodding, April looked down at her plate. Normal? What was that? When you'd lost a child who was so wanted and so loved, how could your life ever be normal again? She let out a shaky breath hoping to calm the anxiety that was starting to rise, then bit her lip to try to stem the tears that were undoubtedly imminent. She'd so wanted for this evening to be pleasant, to be a step forward. Yet, she was currently being body-slammed by the memory of all she'd lost. She thought she'd overcome, but she hadn't. She was right back at square one.

"Jackson, I can't…I can't do this," she said, rising from the table and racing to the bedroom.

* * *

As April zipped past the dining table, Jackson watched in shock. What had he said? What had he done? One second they were having a perfectly lovely meal and the next his wife's eyes were brimming with tears.

Jackson dropped his fork and rested his head in his hands. The past 3 months had been hell on earth. His baby dying and his wife's constant struggle with her grief had taken a toll on him. Hell, on both of them. It had been such a roller coaster ride. One day April was barely able to get out of bed and the next she was still grieving but putting forth effort to move on. He'd seen just about every product of grief imaginable - the crying, the cursing, the anger, the overeating, the disinterest in food, the listlessness, the sleeplessness - all of it. He'd been there. The hope that popped up one day only to disappear the next was what killed him the most. He'd really thought they'd turned a page tonight. Seeing April so much like her old self tonight had made his own hope rise, had made him expect things to happen - good things. It wasn't just about the sex. Sure, he wanted sex, but what he wanted more than anything was consistency from his wife. He wanted to know who she was going to be today was who she was going to be the next and the day after that.

* * *

April lay on her pillow, willing the tears to stop. Why couldn't she just make it through one dinner? Why? The only time she was able to hold it together for any length of time was at work where she knew people depended on her. At home, in her personal life, she was still a complete and utter mess.

Mid-hiccough April heard the door to the bedroom open. Ashamed of her sudden mood swing and for ruining dinner, April turned away from her husband. He shouldn't have to see her like this, again.

"Hey," she heard him say as the bed dipped. Jackson scooted close to her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her towards his chest. Her almost subsided tears sprung once more. The softest touch from her husband could always do that. He was always here. Always here. For her. He'd been doing the lion's share of holding them down for months now. It wasn't fair to him, but she couldn't see an end in sight.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I thought I could make it. I really did. I even thought about us maybe having sex tonight. I thought I was finally at a place…finally at a place where I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. And I'm so sorry I keep doing this to you. I'm so sorry."

Jackson rubbed her back as she cried, her sobs shaking the bed. As frustrated as he was with this whole situation, as much as he wished his wife would move on, he knew that what she needed most was time. Time to recover. And he could give her that.

"I don't know how to make this stop Jackson. Can you help me make it stop?" she whispered, practically begging him.

"Hold onto me." he murmured, squeezing her tightly. "When you're scared, hold onto me and I'll be here."


	3. The Lily of the Valley

"Ummm….Jackson, I think there's something stuck to your jeans…" April said, trying hard not to laugh at the sight of her pink panties clinging to the backside of her husband.

"What?" Jackson asked, sweeping his gaze down his legs and over his shoulder to his rear end. Finding the source of his wife's amusement, he grabbed the pair of underwear and held them out to his wife. "I believe these are yours."

Unable to keep her giggle at bay any longer, April let it escape. "You sure you don't want to keep them on? They make a nice accessory."

"They wouldn't be stuck at all in the first place if you hadn't pressured me into giving up my laundry service. This is what happens when you take clothes straight out of the dryer."

April shook her head. "It was a waste of money. You and I are perfectly capable of doing our own laundry."

"I think you're trying to sabotage me. You're getting back at me for ordering a pizza instead of eating leftovers last night."

April shrugged. "What goes around comes around…"

Jackson grabbed his wife from behind, tickling her side. "Oh, you think so."

"Stop, Jackson!" she said, playfully swatting at him.

Jackson stopped but didn't let her go. Instead he pulled her in closer, nuzzling her neck. They stood quietly for a few moments. Jackson placed featherlight kisses down her neck. April stood still, enjoying the caress as she stroked the forearm around her waist. April felt herself melt into him. It had been so long since she'd felt this…turned on.

Letting out a soft groan, Jackson whispered, "You know we have an hour before we have to be at work."

Laughing not so genuinely this time, April stepped away from her husband. "Unh-unh. You know how I hate to be late for work."

* * *

As April fixed her hair in the bathroom, she contemplated why she had refused her husband's advances. She had wanted him badly, but something had held her back. The dinner a month ago had been a breakthrough for them. She'd consented to going to grief counseling and it had really helped. She still ached for her baby, but the difference was she was now able to live through that pain. It wasn't as stifling as it once had been.

Now, she was kicking herself for not taking Jackson up on his offer. Sure, she was scared to have sex with him again. But it was like ripping a band aid off right? Yet her fears still plagued her. She worried that she wouldn't enjoy it or worse, Jackson wouldn't. What if she wasn't good at sex anymore? They'd had a healthy sex life in the past, but after 4 months what if they didn't click? Her fears went even further. What if while they were having sex she was overcome with grief and had to put a stop to it? April missed having sex. Boy howdy, did she miss it, but she wasn't 100% positive that she was ready.

* * *

"What's that smile for?" Jackson asked Karev as he entered the attendings' lounge.

"Nothing," Karev replied, huge grin still intact on his face as he started to change out of his scrubs.

"What? You get lucky in an on call room?"

"Something like that. You jealous?"

Jackson shrugged into his shirt, debating with himself how honest he should be with the other man. "Let's just say it's been a long time since April and I have visited an on call room."

"You guys used to hump like rabbits. It can't have been that long."

Jackson scoffed. "Four months."

Finished changing, Karev walked over and clapped Jackson on the back. "Dude, I'm sorry. Word of advice though, flowers. Chicks go all ga-ga over cheesy crap like that. I got Jo some flowers last week and she was on me like white on rice."

Jackson rolled his eyes. "That's great for you, bro."

"It worked. Try it if you want some."

After Karev left, he muttered to himself, "I'm actually considering taking Karev's advice. I'm never having sex again, am I?"

* * *

Jackson could hardly believe what he was doing as he opened the door to the flower shop down the street.

As he walked in, he saw a bunch of bouquets displayed prettily about the room. He racked his brain trying to think of the flowers his wife liked. He'd gotten her the traditional roses before but she hadn't seemed too impressed with that. He wished he knew her favorite flower. He thought about texting her but realized that would be a dead give away.

"Hello, sir. You look a bit lost. Can I help you?" asked the kind-looking older woman in the shop.

"If I look lost, it's because I am. I'm a little out of my element here," he replied.

"Who are you buying for today? Girlfriend, mother?"

"My wife. I wanted to do something romantic and get her flowers."

"She'll love that. What are her favorite flowers?"

Jackson scratched his head. "I don't know. I just know she's not a huge fan of roses."

"Women usually get bored with roses so I'm not surprised by that. Tell me a little about her. Maybe I can help find something that she'll like."

"My wife is…" Gosh, how could he describe her to this woman? It was always a challenge for him to find words to go with his feelings. "She's optimistic, gutsy and strong, but she can be fragile at times too. We lost our baby a few months ago and things are just now starting to be good again. It was…uh…it was rough for awhile."

The older woman gently patted his arm. "I'm sorry about your loss…If you'll give me a moment, I think I might have just the thing for you."

Jackson nodded still a bit choked up after confiding to the woman. He didn't know why he divulged so much information but her matronly demeanor had made it easy for him to confess.

Minutes later the woman returned with a bouquet of white flowers. "These are called lily of the valley. You might not know this but there is something we florists call the language of flowers. Red roses mean love, daisies symbolize purity and innocence, orchids stand for beauty. These right here mean a return to happiness which I think is appropriate considering your circumstances."

A return to happiness? Jackson liked that. That's exactly what he was hoping for.

"I'll take them," he said.

"Do you want them delivered or do you want to take them out of the store?"

If it was in Jackson's nature to blush, he would have. The thought of bringing his wife flowers at work was a little embarrassing. "I'd like delivery."

As he completed his order, Jackson smiled to himself. This romantic stuff wasn't so hard after all.

* * *

"I'm looking for a Dr. Kepner." April heard a male voice say. Turning her head, she was surprised to see a delivery man with a bouquet of what looked to be lilies of the valley.

"That's me," she said, walking over to him.

"If you'll just sign here," he replied, indicating the clip board in his hand. "These are yours."

April signed her name and took the bouquet. She inhaled the sweet smell of the flowers. Noticing the card that came with the flowers, she opened it up. _I love you because you are kind, warm and generous._ There was no signature but it didn't take a rocket scientist to know that these were from Jackson. She was a little caught off guard because other than Valentine's Day he'd never gotten her flowers. Why was he was sending them to her today?

* * *

"Wow. Those flowers are gorgeous," Maggie Pierce remarked as April sat them down on the counter. "They from Jackson?"

April smiled. "Yes. It was very sweet of him."

"Is it your anniversary?"

April shook her head. "No. I'm not sure why he got me them."

"Well, whatever reason, he did good."

"Yes. Yes, he did." April replied, still smiling. She heard the ding from her phone indicating she'd gotten a new text. Looking down, she read: _Reason #2 - I love you because you are beautiful inside and out._

The smile just couldn't be erased from her face. Her husband was on a roll today.

* * *

As April finished up the discharge papers for her patient, she glanced up to look at her flowers once more.

"Avery in the dog house?" Ben Warren asked, noticing the attending's gaze on the bouquet of flowers.

"No. I'm not quite sure why he sent them but it's really made my day."

Ben shook his head. "I hope Miranda doesn't see those or she'll be expecting me to do the same. Damn Avery for make everybody look bad," he muttered as he walked away.

Hearing the ding on her phone, April quickly scooped it out of her pocket. _Reason #3 - I love you because you make me the happiest man alive._

So his texts were incredibly cheesy, but in their 9 months of marriage Jackson had never tried to be this romantic. April was half weirded out and half over the moon.

* * *

"I'm going to schedule the surgery for tomorrow afternoon. Want to join me?" Callie asked April.

Up until the last few seconds, April's full attention had been on Dr. Torres and their discussion of their patient, but then her eyes had caught sight of the beautiful flowers her husband had sent her.

Callie's eyes flitted in the direction that April was looking. "Nice flowers," she remarked.

"Yes, they are. Jackson got them for me."

"Shocker. I thought they might have been from that homeless guy who was giving you the googly eyes yesterday."

April ignored the other doctor's sarcasm. "Tomorrow is fine for me. We'll get Mr. Gallagher up on his feet in no time."

Having a few minutes to spare, April leaned on the counter and pulled her flowers in close, allowing the floral scent to waft to her nostrils. Hearing the ding of her phone for the third time this afternoon, she'd developed a Pavlovian response to checking it as quickly as possible. Biting her lip, she unlocked her phone and read: _Reason #4 - I love you because you are smoking hot in bed._

Blushing beet red, April dropped the phone back into her pocket.

* * *

After sending his last text, Jackson stood in a spot where he could watch his wife read it. Jackson loved seeing the delightful pink blush on his wife's cheeks. He had one final text to send her before the big event this evening. He was going to go all out for dinner tonight. He'd booked a table at SkyCity, the restaurant at the top of the Space Needle. He was leaving work early to stop off at the jewelry store and get her a little something special. To top off the night, he had plans to take her dancing - something that he absolutely hated doing, but to see his wife smile it would be worth it.

* * *

An hour before it was time to go home, April got a final text from Jackson. _Reason #5 - I love you because you are smart and brilliant. After you__'__re done being a badass at work, let__'__s dress up and go out. I__'__ve booked reservations for SkyCity at 8._

A date night? On a Tuesday? April practically squealed. Pulling herself together, April concentrated on finishing her paperwork which was easy until Arizona showed up.

Grinning from ear to ear, April pointed to the flowers Jackson had gotten her. "Did you see these?" she asked Arizona.

"Oh," her friend nodded. "I did. I wondered whose they were. They're pretty, April."

"I know. He's never gotten me flowers before. He got me roses on Valentine's but I don't count those. And he's been sending me these sweet texts all day long."

"Any reason?"

April shrugged. "I guess just because?"

Arizona stared at the flowers for a moment. "What kind of flowers are those?" she asked.

"I believe they are lilies of the valley."

"You know I read online that each flower has a particular meaning like love, friendship, passion, etc. I wonder what the meaning of lilies of the valley are." Grabbing her phone, Arizona did a quick search. "Here it is."

Peering over her friend's shoulder, April asked, "What does it say?"

"They symbolize…a return to happiness. That was a good choice, wasn't it?"

April blinked, willing herself not to cry. Nodding, she replied, "Yes, it was."

* * *

April was applying red lipstick when she heard the doorknob turn. Pressing her lips together, she took one last glance in the mirror before leaving the bathroom.

"I'm ready," she said as her eyes fell on her husband. Man, did he look scrumptious tonight! He was wearing that heather grey suit with that purple tie she loved. It was going to be hard to keep her hands off of him tonight.

Jackson's eyes lit up as his focus turned to his wife. "You look…breathtaking."

April did a little curtsy. She was aware of how good she looked. During their honeymoon at Lake Tahoe, they'd been invited to a social event at the hotel they'd stayed at. She'd purchased a new cocktail gown for the event. That's what she was wearing tonight. A tight, little black number. It showed off her shoulders beautifully. She was definitely naked from the shoulders up.

Jackson leant over and kissed her on the lips. "I think we're going to have fun tonight. You ready to go?"

All of a sudden, April realized something wasn't right. Dressing up, going out on the town, she didn't want to do that anymore.

April shook her head. "Jackson, I can't…"

* * *

The sinking feeling that had been a constant in his life over the past 4 months returned again. April wasn't alright. He thought he could help move her past all of this but she still wasn't ready. He pushed down the disappointment he had become an expert at hiding and turned to face his wife.

"It's alright April. We can try going out another time."

* * *

April didn't have a chance to catch a glimpse of the brief crestfallen look that passed over Jackson's face. Her mind was in a whole other world. Grasping the lapels of Jackson's suit, she pulled him close.

"Jackson, I can't wait any longer. I need you. Right. Now," she said. "Dinner sounds fun and all, but it's been four months! If we don't have sex now, I'm going to go crazy."

A laugh of pure joy escaped Jackson's lips. Picking up his wife, he headed for the bedroom.


End file.
